Blessed be y'all. Hope your turkey day was lovely.
We were going to just eat out because I just couldn't bring myself to cook and I wanted to have a nice week because last year was awful.
However, on Tuesday my good friend Stacey invited us to her home. It was a lovely meal. She's an awesome cook.
It was nice to be focused on visiting with others and enjoying their company versus letting my emotions overrun me. I feel kinda numb but it's because I block the thoughts of Dan not being here out. I know he's not but I don't think further than that.
Im feeling this way when I think of Christmas too.
So this week has, again, tested me. At Connors counseling appointment he said I choked him so I was told CPS had to be told so now I fret over that. Connor accidentally burned up the microwave plus his usual antics. So getting away from last year's rotten week didn't happen but today was nice.
I would like to say to the Universe that I've been tested a lot this year and I'd appreciate a break. Or at least find a way to ease your way into Connor and help him cease his anger and aggression towards his brothers and myself. Either one would be great, thanks. I want help for him, I want a way to ease our troubles and soothe his savage beast. My family has been through enough right now, please whisper a way, send softness to his mind, give his counselor the ability to get an answer that will work. SOMETHING....PLEASE!!!! I can't continue with this weight on me that CPS could be called for another lie. The thought of losing my boys over his anger induced lies terrifies me.
It would be foolish not to end this without gratitude since it is Thanksgiving. So here is my list.
I am grateful for....
*My son's. They challenge me, they make me laugh, they show me wonder through their eyes.
*A roof over our heads.
*My family. Your love and listening ears have seen me through this horrid year. Your teachings of family unity helped give the strength to carry on. Love you much!
*Dr Pepper, it keeps me sane some days.
*My friends both near and far. You have shown me love, tenderness, and and happiness. Your kindness has been inspirational and healing in more ways than I can count.
*The Divine. You test me, you give me strength and endurance, and you help me learn and grow.
*Ups and downs. Im grateful for both. I learn and grow and gain strength from it all. I know without one I cannot have the other so, for both, I'm grateful.
*Slippers. They keep my feet warm....the end.
AND FINALLY...
*Dan. Without you I'd have never known love, commitment, and joy in the way companions know it. It had passion but little romance lol.
If it weren't for you seeing me and loving me I'd have never known motherhood. Thank you for the boys. For those gems that are a mix of you and me. Thank you for believing in me and appreciating my commitment to you. Always my Love.....
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!
